Hello world, I’m Danny. I decided to make a blog as a sort of personal diary type thing. I had one when I was a teenager on Livejournal. Oh how I wish I had the password to that catastrophe right now because seeing my teenage thoughts would be terrifying but oh so fascinating. I think it was mostly me obsessing about my high school boyfriend, being so in love with him even though he cheated on me with my best friend. Oh yeah, I have a past…
But let’s talk about the present. I’m a cam model. Aka cam girl, aka online sex worker. That’s my job. I mean, it’s how I make money. I also have another job, which is to act… and sometimes I teach English to a few kids in Israel (I speak a little Hebrew from Jewish school so I guess I’ve got myself a niche), but I can’t make so much money on those things so I’m building my cam business. Sometimes I can’t believe I do it, like sometimes I actually forget that I do it when I’m not actually doing it, if that makes sense. My parents don’t know about it. I live in a constant state of paranoia that they’ll find out, actually. I love my job so much, but sometimes the downsides nearly kill me.
I got into camming on sort of a whim, weirdly. It was my first summer in New York City a few years back, and I was essentially empty and miserable. I taught English like a mad person, I had only a few friends in New York at the time, I was obsessing about some guy, and I wasn’t really auditioning. I was hot and sweaty in my sublet, so I spoke to my ex, who lives in Chicago, on the phone and we spoke about sex work. I told him I wanted a sugar daddy, and that I wanted to do porn (let’s just say him and I have a weird relationship). He suggested I start camming. To be honest, I literally didn’t know what camming was right away. I pulled up a cam site and I was like “right! It’s that thing that pops up on the rare occasions I go on PornHub”. Lol. I’m so not a guy… Why would I EVER click those ads?
Anyway, my ex explained it to me, and right then and there I realized I wanted to do it. There was something about it that to me already represented a way out of my misery. A way out of working insane hours teaching kids, something that brings me only exhaustion and a longing to do something I really want to do. And it felt like it could be a way for me to perform. A way for me to finally be seen and appreciated for what I want to do. And I knew this before I even tried it! So on the spot, I made a cam profile (you can’t understand how easy it is), and went live online. I didn’t show my face, just my body. And I made 50 tokens (which is I think like $2.50 haha) but I mean, that was just essentially me opening a camera. What could I make if I actually did it?
I think it was my sadness that drove me to cam. I felt like I had nothing. No good friends, the guy I had just slept with in New York was essentially ghosting me, and I had nothing that made me feel alive. I also saw this as my life hack into making a good income doing a. Something that I like and b. Something that doesn’t require a lot of hours. Also maybe as a fuck you to my parents. All they wanted and expected from me my whole life is perfection. I was the perfect child. I was the one with good grades, with a good future ahead of me. But if I do this behind their back, well little do they know, their perfect child is far from perfect. And she doesn’t need their money anyway. Without their money, they have no control of me.
So anyway, after that first show, I understood what I was up against. It’s talking to a bunch of horny guys online, and getting them to give you money. I thought of it as thrilling. Like gambling, but I don’t lose money, I only gain. But you do lose some dignity, and perhaps your soul in the process… more on that in another blog post, I’m sure. But anyway, after that first “opening the camera” situation, I finally put on a real show. I put on a “sexy” outfit, I honestly think a hoodie and undies, and got online. I showed my face right away, I was so brave. My ex was literally watching and typing to me what to do. I danced, I talked to them mostly. That’s the thing most people don’t understand about camming- it’s mostly talking. It’s getting them to love you. I knew this so quickly, I think it’s how I started to actually make money.
That summer, I did it constantly. And I got better and better. Everyone’s always told me I pick things up quickly, and to me, this was like second nature. I mean, I definitely made a lot of mistakes in those first dozen shows. I took my clothes off too quickly (in camming, you want to tease for as long as you can), I put on a weird high pitched voice, I wore far too much makeup. I didn’t know what my camming personality was yet. That’s something you have to figure out- who are you as a cam model. It’s kind of like finding out who you are as a person, but this is not you. This is another you. For me, it’s Jezebel. That’s my cam name. I have two “me’s”... Danny, and Jezebel. They are both within me, but they are separate from the me that is me. I don’t get it quite yet, either.
So to sum it up, that’s how I became a cam model. It’s not some long winded, tragic story, where I lost all my money and fell into it to save me, it’s just a regular story, of how I picked up a job and went with it. And fell in love with it. There are tons of negatives of this job, I mean really they are endless. I don’t know how or who I’ll have a relationship with while I do this… I wonder if at some point my parents will find out. I can’t even imagine how they’d react. I already lost a best friend while doing this. But there are also positives. I finally feel free, I am a business owner, a freelancer, I make tons of money and I do something I fully enjoy. How many people can say that? Can you?
So I want this blog to be a sort of diary for me, as I said. I’ll share how my shows go, all the dramas that come with this life that I chose. Hopefully someday I’ll quit the English teaching business. Once I make a certain amount of money a month (no, I’m not sharing that number with you quite yet), I’ll quit. And then maybe I’ll have time to act, because the shows and the teaching just take up all of my time. But I want to share my journey here because I need to get these thoughts out, and I think people should know the life of a cam girl, and that it’s not what you think. I’m just a regular person, with a regular life, but inside, yeah, maybe I am built differently than you. And it’s good to hear about different people. I hope you like it. Talk to you tomorrow.
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