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  • dannyjezebel

I kissed a boy and I liked it

Matt and I kissed. What. the. Hell. is. Going. On. I’m freaking out haha. Okay let me explain… the last time I saw him he gave me a back rub and I put an end to it all because he’s dating Nora. Well, he took that comment to heart and went and broke up with Nora. I mean, the kid works fast…

So he came over last night and we sat on my couch talking. I went to get food and came back and he rubbed my feet. Like we sat on the couch talking with him rubbing my feet. My mind was going a thousand miles a minute. Like he was touching me and it felt really nice. It wasn’t sexual yet but I was melting into the couch.

Then I went to the bathroom and came back and I was kind of sitting on the floor facing his face, because he was laying on the couch. I said to him “what are you thinking?” And then he kissed me. Just like that. It was soft and sweet. I said to him “what are you doing?” he said “well you backed me into a corner.”

Then we kissed a lot more and I straddled him and we kissed and it was soft and beautiful and sweet. I was so relieved that I liked it! Because honestly I have been thinking about him a lot, and telling my friends and asking them what they think. They all confirm Matt is super cute, haha. Sorry, I need approval from my friends sometimes on guys I date haha.

So then I said look… I want to take this slow. Which is true. Plus it was like 1:30am (I stay up really late… working those late night cam hours). But I think we’ll hang again today or tomorrow or something. He is actually going to England in a few days for a week so we don’t have much time before he leaves, but I want these days to count. I guess I’m super confused but also extremely excited.

Matt means so much to me, and I can truly say he’s my best friend. I said before that he doesn’t look like what I thought, or do a job that I thought I wanted my partner to do, or I don’t know, wear the clothes that I want my partner to wear, but he makes me laugh so hard my stomach works. And he loves my goofiness and weirdness, and he accepts my camming. He accepts me. Isn’t that what it should feel like when you’re with someone you love? I’ve been told it should feel like home.

So now we’ll just see what happens. I think he’ll want to date me… and I think I want to date him? But what does it mean? Is he my boyfriend? And what will happen with camming? I mean I cam like 2-4 times a week only, but they do take up my nights, so will I just not see him those nights? And then I’m obviously not horny after I cam (I would rather drink shampoo actually than have sex after I cam), so when will we have sex? It’s a lot of questions, and I think that’s why we’re taking it slow.

I have a show today so I’ll only see him after the show, or tomorrow. We’ve been texting today sweet things. It’s kind of what I’ve always wanted. A nice, sweet boy who will love me for me. I hope he can bring excitement to my life, though. Because I crave excitement. Although honestly, with camming, things are a little too exciting sometimes haha. Maybe he’ll bring the stability I need to this weird life I chose. But we’ll see. I’ll keep you updated.

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