Okay so I told you in my last post that I have a good friend named Matt. Well I always kind of suspected he liked me as more than a friend. I mean I put an end to it when we went to the beach and went out to dinner awhile ago… but I don’t know, it was always in the back of my mind that he still might. But thankfully he’s respectable enough to kind of keep it hidden away. But there was a major turn of events…
So Matt and I hang out a lot because frankly we live super close and he has free time because the TV show he writes for isn’t going on to a next season. As you can understand from my camming schedule, I have A LOT of free time lol. So anyway we hang out a lot as friends, and Matt even has a girlfriend of sorts (although it doesn’t seem like he likes her all that much), but lately my feelings have started to change.
I swear it hit me like a ton of bricks but I was like- I think I like Matt as more than a friend. Which is just so unlikely for me. I mean he looks nothing like what I pictured a guy I like would look like. He’s tall and sweet-looking, but not a model (although I go for more non traditionally attractive men so I guess it makes sense). He works at a smoothie place, he makes stupid jokes. But the thing is, I don’t care. And I find the jokes funny.
Jesus christ I like my friend.
I told a few friends about it and the other night Matt was over and I told Laura that we might want to meet her out. Matt and I drank a few beers at my place. Laura called and I put her on speaker phone. She was like “what are you doing!? Are you two hooking up!?” Lol, she didn’t realize she was on speaker phone. I was mortified. Matt laughed and said: “way to cockblock, Laura”. Ha WOW. I was so awkward after that. Anyway, we didn’t end up going out and spent the night together just watching TV.
The next day he came over (I told you, we hang a lot!) and sat on my couch again just hanging, talking. I told him I had a neckache, which was true. Just imagine dancing for a group of anonymous men all the fucking time. It hurts!! So he massaged me, it felt nice. He was so gentle about it lol I told him to go harder. Afterwards, I laid my head on the couch and he put his hand on my head to play with my hair. “You’re playing with my hair,” I told him. “Is it okay?” he said. I said “well, you’re dating Nora”. He took his hand away, understanding what was going on.
So that’s it. I mean, we went back to normal, and have been kind of speaking normal, but what the HELL is going on? The thing is, I’ve been going on dates lately with guys but they just seem so normal and boring and BLAH. When I’m with Matt, we have fun together. That’s kind of how I knew my feelings changed. I didn’t want to be with these other guys, I wanted to be on a date with Matt. He’s my best friend. And now I kind of want to kiss him…
This is so weird! Like is it normal? Does it add up? I told my sister about him and she was like “YOU DON’T LIKE HIM!” I mean, is she right? In the beginning of me and him getting close, I would’ve never dreamed of being with Matt. I just wasn’t attracted. And now all I want to do is talk to him and snuggle. We’ll have to see if that translates sexually.
Ugh, it’s so confusing! But I’ll keep you updated and we’ll see how this pans out. Right now he is dating Nora. Lol he usually leaves Nora’s place and comes to see me. GODDAMIT. This is so confusing. Okay, okay. I have a show in an hour. Hopefully it’ll be good. Signed, confused cam model.
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